What is the grieving period for a spouse?
The formal grieving period for a husband is up to three days.
The formal grieving period for a wife is four months and 10 days1. Allah says in the Qur’an2:
If any of you die and leave widows, the widows should wait for four months and ten nights before remarrying. When they have completed this set time, you will not be blamed for anything they may reasonably choose to do with themselves. God is fully aware of what you do.
Surah Baqarah, 2:234
However, if the wife was pregnant, then the Iddah, mourning period, is over whenever the child is born3.
What can or cannot be done during the (hidhadh) Iddah, mourning period?
During the Iddah, mourning period, the widow is allowed to live in the home she shared with her husband. It is important to avoid cultural baggage and deviations (e.g., you cannot smile, forms of self-punishment) that create an unnecessary burden on the widow. Generally, there are a few guidelines that must be adhered to:
Spend the night at home
The widow should spend the night in her home and leave during the day to care for her needs4. In cases where the widow is unable to care for herself and/or being at her home alone would lead to health and safety concerns (e.g., elderly woman), this requirement can be waived and she may move in with her family.
The idea of what is considered to be necessary varies by culture and the circumstances of the widow5. For example, the different Madhabs, legal schools of thought, differ in their guidelines for leaving the house. It is recommended to speak to a scholar in the community to discuss the specific circumstance and obtain advice on the best way to proceed.
For example, the Hanafi school of thought says that the widow can leave the house during the day and part of the night, but must be at home most of the night. However, the Malikis say that the widow is allowed to leave the house regardless of the reason, but must be home at night6.
Avoid extra beautification
The widow should avoid the extra beautification that she would typically do (e.g., wearing makeup/perfumes/best clothes7). It is a physical representation of mourning; however, this is not meant to be taken to an extreme whereby the woman is in a disheveled and unclean state with torn clothes, etc. There are no requirements to wear specific colors (e.g., black), instead, she should wear clothing that she would normally wear on a regular basis.
Do not get married (and avoid activities/conversations that lead to marriage)
During this period, the widow cannot get remarried and cannot initiate activities and conversations that would typically lead one to marriage.7
After Iddah
After the mourning period, the requirements of iddah do not apply, and the widow should try her best to move forward and live her life.
Zainab bint Abu Salama reported that when the news of the death of Abu Safyan came to Umm Habiba she sent for yellow (perfume) on the third day and rubbed it on her forearms and on her cheeks and said:
I had in fact no need of it, but I heard Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: It is not permissible for the women believing in Allah and the Hereafter to abstain from adornment beyond three days except (at the death of) husband (in which case she must abstain from adornment) for four months and ten days.8
If there are practices for the deceased that fall outside of the bounds of Islam, then they should be avoided so that there is no distortion done to the religion.
Related: How to mourn the loss of a loved one
References
- A Practical Guide to Funeral Rites in Islam by Maulana Ebrahim Noor, pg. 44
- Quran.com, Abdul Haleem Translation, Surah Baqarah, 2:234
- “What Is the Waiting Period for a Widow?” by Shaykh Jamir Mea
- The Widow and the Iddah | For Those Left Behind, Dr. Omar Suleiman
- “What Are the Differences in the Waiting Period of a Woman Due to Irrevocable Divorce and Due to the Death of Her Husband?” by Shaykh Faraz A. Khan
- “What Is the Waiting Period for a Widow?” by Shaykh Jamir Meah
- Advice on Death of a Loved One & Islamic Ruling on Idda, Yasir Qhadi, 19:28
- https://sunnah.com/muslim:1486d
